The Wonder Years - The Upsides (2010)

Being 23 has been as complicated as any of the five years before, except you’re further from teenagehood and closer to adulthood and, although you’re mostly independent, most days you wake up wondering if you’re ready for it. And most of the times, you end up convincing yourself you’re not.

“It took almost 13 months for me to be where I feel fine; I’m not as sad as I let myself believe sometimes”

-Everything I own fit in this backpack [listen on YouTube]

“I don’t think I love anything the way that some people love Morrissey”

-It’s never sunny in south Philadelphia [listen on YouTube]

“My friends, all say he’s just a broke-dick version of me, they’re just trying to help me get some sleep, I know he’s what you need”

-Melrose diner [listen on YouTube]

“I can’t believe I ended up here again watching a terrible band play songs I hate in a basement”

-This party sucks [listen on YouTube]

The night before, a black pick-up truck tossed me off the road, my mexico-assambled american compact sedan spinned one and a half circles until the passanger side hit a tree. That tree made it half way into the car, breaking the dashboard in two, pushing the windshield outside and trapping my shiny 8-month-old Dell Studio in between the door and the shift stick.

I’m very commited to what I do for a living. So much, that it doesn’t feel like work. In fact, I don’t even call it work. So it was no biggie to show up the next day at the office; I had to keep going, I had to move on; and for that, the office was the more natural place to go.

To stick to your guns is to believe, through thick and thin, in whatever it is that you believe in. I believe in constantly (and sometimes unstopabbly) progressing to a better life where I do the things I enjoy. If I wouldn’t have gone to the office the day after the accident, the relationships that served as basis of most of my current projects today may wouldn’t have even started.

If you asked to my team today “what exactly does Diego do?”, most-likely people would tell you it revolves around Twitter, Facebook and the internet. It is ture. I’ve recently become an Online Media Project Lead for my team, and the things we get done revolve around Social Media Intelligence and Online Collaboration. I drive a mexico-assembled European compact sedan which is newer, faster and a little more luxurious. At the office, our team rocks on a shiny 27″ i5 iMac for the more resource-consumpting tasks; and all the time, you can see me typing on a Lenovo T400; both, given by the organization that I work for.

If you asked me the fifth day of the year how I felt, I would lie if I told you I was sure of where life was taking me to. I didn’t really know how things were going to make sense again. But life is about going with the flow, sticking to your guns, and making sure you always make the best out of any situation; even if said situation is a car-wrecking crash.

A year after Woodstock ’99 I discovered Punk Rock as a life-shaping music genre; starting a decade full of rehearsals, giglife and stages. I can’t stress how much this shaped my current state of life, from ideals and believes to approaches and traditions even up to stress-relieving activities; most of my life has been inspired by music.

And then, there were 16 records that truely changed my life:

Thursday’s “Full Collapse”

We had recently started to play in a band with Chofo (currently from Malacates) after a while of skating together; I remember he handed me a copy of a homemade split of Thursday and Poison The Well. I think he never realized how much it dictated my future music taste.

I got home after school and put it in the stereo, it was hypnotyzing: the depth of Geoff’s voice, clean guitars that in no time turned into huge distorted choruses, the complementing screams. “How long is the night”, “Paris in flames”, “Understanding in a car crash”; those songs got to me, and made me dig deeper into bands that were alike.

Saves The Day’s “Stay What You Are”

There was a time when we were idealist college students, a very close group of future graphic designers that would hang out after classes. Sometimes we would play pool, sometimes we’d go get a beer; and there was that time when Alvin brought a CD case full of all-time punk / indie / ska favorites, he was selling those records. I bought a few.

“Stay What You Are” is a well thought record that sounds by perfectly. Well produced, well written; it showed me the metaphoric madness of Chris Conley. And also the raw spoken truth that I could completely identify with, “So here I am, don’t know how to say this. Only thing I know is awkward silence.”

Homegrown’s “Kings of Pop”

Alvin also sold me this gem. Still in my car as a traffic favorite, “Kings of Pop” reminds me of the early days of what would turn into Easycore. Dropped D, half-tone down guitars, breakdowns, and all that southern California attitude.

“You’re not alone”, “I’ll never fall in love again” or even “Give it up” are the kind of songs that you could sing along with forever, and after. This is a record that settled a genre, years before it was considered a genre. Maybe that’s why I like it that much.

New Found Glory’s “Sticks and Stones”

Now speaking of easycore, JP and I were still in high school and competed for who was the one that knew the most bands. We would stay up late until 120 Minutos, just to go the next day and talk about the bands we had discovered: The Distillers, Dashboard Confessional, Brand New; one of the firsts was New Found Glory, with “My friends over you”.

Somehow I got to take this record from him and then left it at a party at Zully’s. I still carry a copy though, “Sonny”, “Forget my name” and “Never give up” remind me of people that has been part of my life.

Also, Chad Gilbert is not only my favorite guitarist, but an influential / inspirational person with the way he sees bands, music, life and everything around it. I still remember the time he sent me tweet (lol).

Set Your Goals’ “Mutiny!”

And there we were in 2006, making a record. Spending all of Rafa’s money in gas and Burger King. Proving the world we could deal with the departure of a guitarist and still deliver a full lenght in no time. Except we didn’t. It took us almost (or maybe it did) the whole year.

While recording “This is how we’ve always been”, I was brought to this small bay-area band that was oddly reminecent of Linkin’ Park thanks to their dual vocals. I could write entire bibles of how “Mutiny!” changed my life.

From that video they released the day the doctors told us grandma had only a few days left to those days trying to two-step with Muller. Big fail. The strongly positive message of this record will always put a smile in my face, no matter what; proven and guaranteed.

Four Year Strong’s “Rise, or Die Trying”

I once wrote a review for this one. It was mid 2007 and 2007 was one of the strangest years I’ve had. I was unemployed, making near no money from freelancing design and usually assaulting my mom’s apartment kitchen, but I got free tickets to every single damn show I wanted. Why? Press passes. Natalia, David and I were running Under Music, an online magazine that we had to eventually bring down due to very unfortunate budget issues.

Today, I still can’t play half of the songs in this record. Not to mention singing while playing them. But I love the breakdowns and the multiple vocals, the synth and the sing-alongs. I think it is a matter of respect, anything the bearded guys of Four Year Strong release is something I respect. Just because I still can’t explain to myself how Dan and Alan get to play and sing at the same time.

Dashboard Confessional’s “Unplugged”

I’ve met many other Diegos in my life, from workaholics to skinheads. One of them was a hopeless romantic with a huge indie record collection. He showed me many bands, bands we would talk about at almost every show, how inspiring they were. Like a poetry club.

I’m pretty sure, somewhere, Rafa still has this DVD. And I wish he’d give it back, because it is touching to watch Chris Carrabba avoiding a nervous breakdown by compulsively tuning his guitar for a minute after every song. Is touching to hear the people sing along to literally every word of every song. And not just a regular sing along, but actually become protagonists. Is something only Carrabba can do, he’s a natural.

Taking Back Sunday’s “Tell All Your Friends”

There is one well documented relationship that I had during this decade. It was unhealthy, it was inmature, we were young and naive; but we sure had a blast. “Tell all your friends” was almost the soundtrack to it.

But that’s not the only reason this record changed my life. Along Thursday, Adam Lazarra and company brought me into digging deeper into music. Even as burnt out of a single as “Cute without the E (cut from the team)” can be, I still get the chills from listening to that first chord.

“Literate and stylish; kissable and quiet. That’s what girls’ dreams are made of. And that’s all you need to know, you have it or you don’t… you have it or you… don’t”

JamisonParker’s “Sleepwalker”

Jamison Covington was (is?) a pill-popper, and damn sure he could write good songs about it. Mainstreamed pseudo-shoegaze is cool to listen to when you want to relax a little, “Paper Rock Scissors” is as cute as a song can get and I still wonder how they figured out and kept ordered the many, many channels in that mixing console.

When Michelle and I were at the top of the world, she brought me this one as a Christmas present. But today, the best memory I have from it is recently in April 2009, driving back home in the traffic. I had just been hired to work as a Technical Writer for Capgemini, overcome one of the biggest regrets of my life and finally got out of freelance breadcrumbs; and I was listening to this record.

Fall Out Boy’s “Take This to Your Grave”

Break-ups aren’t fun. Break-ups make you dizz around emotional coktails from rage to sadness to existentialism right back to rage. And that break-up rage is what this record is about.

Pete Wentz was well known for his Q’s and A’s at the Fall Out Boy website back in the days. He made sure everybody in the world knew this record was about a girl in Chicago. And to me, this is the best record they’ve ever made. From both, technical and fanboy standpoint: Patrick’s voice is cool (not as good as it’d get in “Under the cork tree” though), guitars are fun (well written, well mixed and catchy as hell), and lyrics from scarily mean (“Stop burning bridges, and drive of off them”) to memory-reviving anthems (“Hey Chris, you were our only friend; and I know this is belated, but we love you back”).

Comeback Kid’s “Wake The Dead”

Raw music can be well produced / mixed. This record is proof. From “False idols fall” to “Final goodbye” this one goes by smoothly-transitioned (song connection is something I’m a big fan of) and well recorded. Scott Wade’s voice is incredibly raw, yet always in tune (even if it is a one-note tune), and Kyle Profeta’s drum mix is just way cool.

So how this record changed my life? The message in it, angry yet positive, is always a good listen in the worse days. It’s a must when things don’t work out and I need inspiration to find another way to make it happen. “This life will always be worth living.”

Less Than Jake’s “Borders and Boundaries”

San Jorge is a neighborhood on this side of town. Even when it isn’t that big, it has been home of many, many of my friends. There was a time when I pretty much lived there, except I just wouldn’t sleep there. San Jorge is where I first listened to this record, and also, a couple of years later, where I lost it (left it with “Sticks and Stones” at Zully’s)

Now, I know this is not the purest ska record out there, but you know I don’t care about elitism and purists. I like catchy music that manages to turn their genres into easy-to-listen records. When listening to “Look what happened” I sigh. I sigh hit by memories of touring, of rehearsing, of entering metal battles of bands as a pop-punk act. I remember that time when Jacobo (Malacates) told us we had potential. When Mako (Domestic Fool) brought us to the radio with Andrea Taracena. Way before geeking myself out to web design and user interfaces, I was a musician. And I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Blink-182′s “Take Off Your Pants and Jack It”

It was 2001 and I was still illegal at driving and listening to radio music. “Take Off Your Pants and Jack It” had just came out and I had to have it. I got it at a near-by, now dead, record store. I still identify with “Story of a lonely guy”. “Reckless abandon” was an ideal that never really came true, although we did live some days very close to that back in middle and high school.

These are some of my favorite drums, Travis’ best from my point of view. Here Blink was still fun but with a very mature sound. The kind of sound that inspired and influenced a lot of my song writing. The kind of sound that introduced me to geometric concepts applied to everything, stuff that I still use at the things I do today in the world of design.

Brand New’s “The Devil and God are Raging Inside Me”

Brand New lyrics have been with me for a long time. In late 2006, I lost, unfortunatelly and intentionally, a job, a band, a girl and most of my friends due to a streak of mistaken decitions. Confused and barely knowing what was up to happen in life while struggling with illness and ocassionally the death of the most important person I’ve had in my life, “The Devil and God…” was the soundtrack of that year.

Today the way I listen to it has changed. I named my solo project on their opening song, “Sowing season” because of this verse: “I was losing friends, I was losing them to drinking and to driving. I was losing friends… But I got them back, yeah.” Because today, my life is back in track, and those mistakes, are lessons learned. And my true friends, they are by my side.

Osker’s “Idle Will Kill”

Devon Williams inspired me in the early days of making a band. I mean, in the “Treatment 5″ era he was 18, signed to Epitaph and had an irreverent attitude to be jelous about. Yet, it changed in his second release, I speak only about him because even when Dave Benitez’ basslines are remarkable, Devon was the band himself.

This one was a download in probablly late 2004, far after released. The song “Strangled” holds a close personal meaning to me. Then “Anchor” was the detonator of my first tattoo. The whole deep atmosphere of this record reminds me of teenage hard times and learning to make it through. Always, when a hard time comes, I can look back and know for sure that I will make it through.

The Ataris’ “So Long, Astoria”

My favorite record of all itme for several reasons, from the lyrical content to how it introduced me to multi-guitar producing and mixing. I believe this one came out at an interesting time in Punk Rock, when a lot of bands were exploring new sounds yet sticking to traditional song structure. A path that I followed for years after.

I got this one from Blanca, I don’t really remember how. I just remember we were young and in high school. I didn’t understand the record the first couple of times, it has taken me years to identify. But still today, there are lines in these songs where I can absolutely relate with Chris Roe and what he has to say about being young, growing up, looking back in time and loving life.

“Life is only as good as the memories we make.”

We are working on a series of videos about our favorite collaboration applications at the office, this is mine.

I wasn’t expecting this much out of life, I wasn’t expecting any of this only a few months ago. Through a conversation today I realized that even though several months have passed from the last time I had taken a walk through Tetracenter, showed a badge or even had to wear some “business-casual” pants; it doesn’t really seem that long ago when I was still answering the phones at the latest hour of the night. Lucky, I might call myself. If you are familiar with the circumstances you might understand why. But here I am again in what seems to be the last step to get everything back on track after thinking every single little thing that made sense was gone.

Things change, they change fast. But they are expected to somehow make you grow, even after facing the worst-case scenario …over and over again. Now this chair I sit at is where I thought I was going back then, and I took off this road (even though with what some have called “valid reasons”) but I have come to vindicate myself from all the ghosts that haunted every wrong decision made before. Leave the past behind, enjoy today.

In a few days the “Fight off your demons” tattoo on my thigh will be complete. As if planned, my actual first Technical Writer check will pay for it. Now this is not even close to be the end. Now this is not even close to be the last time I don’t give up. The last time I rearrange a mess made (what some of you might know, has been a familiar circumstance lately). Now this is only one adding piece of proof to the already large roster of evidence I had to come up with to realize that you can do anything you set yourself for. No matter how badly you have failed before; if you honestly believe in yourself, you can make amends and make things right again.

It seems everybody is only interested in free stuff now days. I just read a Mike Shea’s blog post (his only real blog post, in fact) in the Alternative Press blog section. It made me think about how sustainable is the world we’re shaping…

I’ve always heard it from my dad, “how sustainable your project is?”. It never made much sense since he was always my income; well, he and my mom. Always paying my bills and always keeping the food in the fridge, and… well, you get the deal.

So we have all these free blogs with cheap pseudo-journalism, and of course gallons of footage at YouTube and free images via Google, of course is nice to have everything so accessible. At a click, we can download our all-time favorite songs, and it’s all free.

But if everyone is taking everything for free, where will we creatives fit in the economical world? Will creativity be a dream from the past? An extinct profession? Will the everything-for-free culture ruin designers, journalists, photographers, musicians and such devoted workers since now everybody, in appearance can do their work?

Not all of those with a CyberShot camera can have Annie Leivobitz photographic quality of course. Not every flyer is a Brian Ewing and not every blogger is a Mike Shea.

Think about it next time you download. For every cheap flyer you post, for every low quality video you upload, for every unprofessional layout you steal, you get a step closer to lose all of the creativity in the world as it becomes unsustainable, as it becomes unappreciated, as it becomes cheap and misrepresented.

Give it a thought.

Driving down Liberación Boulevard there is this thing if you’re heading east. First, you must go in the middle lane, when you pass by the zoo, then after the Reloj de Flores you must start finding a way to your left, otherwise you’ll be left in the wrong way. If you’re looking for good home-made sushi, you can go to that Taiwanese place behind Pradera, but if you’re looking for a fancy impressive Californian/Japanese dinner, Sushi-Itto is way better.

These are two facts of the many, many more through twenty-two years I’ve learned by living here. I’m not patriotic or anything close to that, I just love this city. The way the sun sets by the western mountains and how when you’re coming back from the south there is a moment when you see a kind of skyline drawn above Roosevelt Street. How a red light does not necessarily means “stop” and the distance that in other countries will mean only crossing the city, here will take you to a completely different town with a completely different look.

Hell, even if you’re getting robbed, you know exactly how it will happen.

So, there’s a vague idea that’s been around ever since I can recall having a slot of memory that somewhere else life gets better and things are safer and… yeah, many more things of the sort. But I wonder: How would these guys adapt when they get there? Besides the language barrier, which I guess some of us would have already surpassed, there are way too many things to take in consideration.

For example, let’s pretend you move to Japan. And after several months you’ve finally adapted to the fast lifestyle of Tokyo, gotten a few tattoos and know the true story about Hello Kitty, not to mention the gazillion rising sun souvenirs you’ve mailed back home to your friends. But, you mailed those souvenirs back “home”. Can you call your Tokyo loft “home” or do you still need that typical two-story three-bedroom condominium house we usually call “home” around here? Did you get used to the sci-fi customer service of top-notch high-tech fast food? Or do you still need those home-made eggs, beans and bread for breakfast?

I’m sure a few would say: “I don’t even eat that”, or “I don’t live in a condominium house”. Well, find your own definitions of what you call “home” and analyze if there is a chance you could find those little details somewhere else. I’m pretty sure it would be hard, if not impossible.

These are the reasons I call this my town, where I raise my pride, where I’ve made my friends and where I’ll live my life. Not because of whatever patriotic statements they may try to brainwash you with every now and then. I couldn’t care less about a blue and white flag or a quetzal; but this is “home” for me. I cannot think of a fulfilled life made anywhere else. Yeah, the paycheck may be fatter and the glory might be brighter somewhere else; but I “only do this for the scars and stories, not the fame”.

Not often in life you find that something worth hours of your time and dedication; the ability to devote days towards “it” seems uncommon, as if it was impossible to dedicate years revolving around “it”… yet, it happens.

As said a gazillion times before, my life has revolved around the music industry throughout the past 9 years. Whether being a guitar student, or the controversial idealist of an almost-forbidden word that starts with an “s” and ends with a “cene”, from the quintessential stereotype, all the way to the unmotivated smart-ass behind a potentially revolutionary project; All these 108 months it has been verses, bridges and choruses the motivation to wake up every morning.

But as entitled by A Change of Pace’s debuting record, “Change is the only constant”. Everything grows old and everybody finds something new to wake up to; because we all need something, from girlfriends to religions, to wake up to. And once we’re through one of them we find something new.

It’s hard to say “I’m not walking away” or “I’m not giving up” when it certainly feels like turning my back on the reason I, literally, still breathe today. (While facing the worst sides of my teenage years, one of Osker’s choruses kept me strong; it reads: “grab the wrist, pull away, I don’t want to die today… and so I won’t”). But I can assure you that, with Math as my witness, I am not bailing.

The friends I’ve made, those still here today and the few that have gone, along with the almost-never-ending list of things I’ve learned is kept in my heart for now and forever. And I would never take back any of these things. Why? Because all of these things made me who I am today.

So here’s how it goes:

9 years after first realizing that through sounds and words life can be danced, sung or even screamed into a much more pleasant way, I’ve achieved as much and even more than I could have expected when I grabbed my first guitar and roughly learned some basic chords. From getting my ass beaten to the radio, television and newspaper interviews; from the home-recorded demos to the internationally-distributed compilations, I’ve already gotten so much I no longer think the music industry owes me anything at all.

I hold no grudge towards such industry; as always, I’ll be as helpful as I can with anybody who requests for a hand with anything that I can help them with. The only difference is that I no longer want to “race”. I’m setting my new goals in a completely different world, a world where I’m already achieving some results; and there I am ready to “race” because it is a world that is almost completely unexplored to me, but that’s another tale.

My new relationship with music, then, brings me back to 1999; back to when music was not something I was trying to make a living out of, but it was something I lived with, a friend who was there through thick and thin and who, with lyrics and chords, gave me advice and brought memories back.

“Ideals are like opinions, believes just like traditions; sometimes both are not enough” (Less Than Jake). Music is still pretty much my life. It is not giving up, it is not walking away; it is walking along again instead of racing for a prize; because I’ve already earned the highest prize available here and now it seems to be time to look around for one more golden medal to earn.

The process may be pleasant, like sex; painful, like tattoos and piercings; sometimes even excruciatingly confusing, like love; but all in all, are these situations which make us feel. And feeling is what keeps us alive.

Living is complex. Is a combination of seconds spent through different experiences and a sequence of minutes and days you may remember forever or may wish you could forget. You see, the complexity of having developed such a big mass of grey matter through evolution has brought us to the grade of complexity where life is not basic. Life is complex. We think we live for something but is that something really worth living for? We tell ourselves it is for our own good. Otherwise, it would stop being worth living.

It’s been 7 years approximately from the moment I realized I would spend the rest of my life through chords and sounds, rhymes and beats. Through out such journey there has been many changes. From a rough close-minded punk-rock-ish kid to the stopped-at-the-mall-for-pictures rock-star-like to the behind-the-scenes sort-of-guy that lately seems to be the one who has taken over my shoes. Yes, it’s been that much. The point of this paragraph? Goals have been achieved.

But so much “success” in so many fields has lately become a realization of something I’ve been hiding. I’m afraid of my social self. so I put myself in a podium where I can be seen and I can be looked up to, but never approached. I suck at one-on-one interaction. I have no idea of how (and somehow very little desire as well) to improve this side of me. I am that guy, the quiet one, the awkward silenced dude who you feel weird around and never get his commentary about whatever the topic is.

A light at the end of the tunnel has been these past weeks, probably actually a couple of months. I move slow into whatever I move into. And somehow my slow-motion action has been not considered that slow at all. Apparently. Apparently this is going somewhere and it’s somewhere I’m looking forward to be, no matter how long it takes. No matter where it gets, no matter how it goes, I like today and I’ve been liking everyday.

Towards the end and quoting wise words from Set Your Goals’ first full-lenght opening song: “life is about doing the process and not the result”. Don’t lose your mind on getting “there” and instead, enjoy every second of it. Because if you’re smiling every five seconds, you might already be there.

Now you see, for some it is easy to just go and do things the way they’re meant to. We robots, have a different approach. Our over-researched behavior patterns tend to bring us to uncomfortable situations. We are those who seem to be the perfect hunters of awkward silences, those you can barely understand their working/eating/living/sleeping/talking habbits.

When we robots meet, is just like heaven. But at the same time, hell. We realize we’re not made out of stainless steel and circuits but instead of flesh, bone and pheromones. Being the latter the responsible for the afloating insticts that will only deny our self-imposed non-human existence. Catalizing an urge in us to research and over-analize the situation as a whole and in very (and sometimes extremely) particular ocassions.

Hidden messages may not be there, but might as well they be. When a robot tells a robot something, it is condemed to be a coded message. So if male-robot wants to tell female-robot “you are everything i’ve ever looked for”; he might say something like “i’m amazed by the way your RAM memory process data so fast”. In return, female-robot would mean to say “i’m so glad i’ve found you and i’m looking forward to so much more” when she displays on her 17″ LCD screen low-resolution 12fps online imagery.

But then again, female-robot may not be a robot. And 12fps may only be random online imagery. And if she’s not a robot, male-robot will only be sending binary coded messages in vein and missrepresenting casual ammounts of 1′s and 0′s he’s convinced he’s getting in return. The paradox is in how finding another robot makes male-robot feel more human, like he still has a need for companion, yet is so affraid to feel; and how if female-robot is not a robot but a human, male-robot will only feel condemed to speak in html to no other but himself for an everlasting eternity.